I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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