and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
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