my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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