I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Of course I have a pirate flag
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
