When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
