We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
