he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
