I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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