i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
