tell your sister to shave her snatch
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
