saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
