I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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