I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
