when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
