White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I have fence marks all over my body
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize