: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
