I wish I only lived at night.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
