If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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