She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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