I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
