is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
