I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
