we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
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