thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
