Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
