I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I queefed so loud it echoed.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
