I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
