she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
