is your mom at the bar?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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