you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
