I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
