I think I died a long time ago.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
either way he was missing a nipple.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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