She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize
