god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
