this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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