I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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