I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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