WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
so explain again why im purple
no
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
