i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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