he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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