I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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