Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
