RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Randomize
