Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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