Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
