ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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