have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
