I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Randomize
