I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Fuck appropriateness.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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