you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
