no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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