that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
