I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
