It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
