just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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