Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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