God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
