whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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