You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
