I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
When did angry sex become our thing?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
