i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
